...the blog that goes with everything. Your daily source for a hilarious take on social media, marketing, ketchup, Michigan and pretty much whatever else I feel like.
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In the preview for the not so critically acclaimed upcoming season of Jersey Shore, star Snooki, commented “I don’t go tanning-tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax
on tanning…He did that because of us.”
This comment probably would have lived and died in the minds of millennials for a matter of nanoseconds had John McCain (or some hipper member of his comms team) not seized the opportunity... (456-ish days late and a pair of tanning bed goggles short.)
The other week I rededicated my life to fitness for the gagillionth time. The upshot of this is that I am now exposed to a vast array of crappy summer programming that comes on around 8pm while I'm at the gym.
Last night I caught some sort of Bachelorette back-to-back episode thing. Despite the fact that it totally blew I was sucked in. It's been awhile since I had a good Rant...so here we go.
This woman Jillian is such a wet rag - so far I do not find her dynamic or interesting. Apparently she was some cast off from The Bachelor that everyone loved. She does seem like a real person - which is a plus - just not anyone I'd want to hang out with. Case and point, it is discovered one of the guys on the show still has a girlfriend, and there is some mystery over who it is. Instead of walking into that room, dropping some F-bombs, and grab, twist and pulling until she found the dirt bag she states that this is the "rudest, rudest thing I've ever known in my entire life." O RLY? C'mon Jillian, grow a pair, kick that loser to the curb and don't forget to kick him once in the face before you walk away. (And, who goes on national TV with a girlfriend?!)
The guys are not that much better - exactly the ratio of good guys to bad guys to boring guys we've come to expect from these shows. Profession-wise there is the usual smattering of brokers, restauranteurs and real estate developers - and then a bunch of dudes who have jobs that are TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY ABUSRD and a clear attempt to "diversify" the profession pool. A vintner? Do you REALLY know any 29 year old vintners? Let's be real. Pizza entrepreneur? Uhhh, what? Break dance instructor? I was not aware that break dancing was still legal. Baseball camp owner?! Holy hell, paging Tom Emanski...
At any rate, clearly I'm DVRing this show - I have to find out what happens to these asshats.
Remember when I used to write hilarious posts about TV shows that I watch? Yeah, I know it's a little fuzzy. Well, I recently got DVR. That's right, welcome me to 2005. You're the first one to make that joke. In all seriousness, I have NO idea how I survived without this technology and my quality of life has been dramatically improved.
So without further ado - an update on all of my faves:
24: I can't even call this a favorite anymore. Whoever is in charge of this show should be put to sleep - or maybe inhale a fatal pathogen and slowly wither away before our eyes. In my 24 Examined post I maintained that at this point all you have to do is watch the "Previously on 24" segment and the final tick tock to stay current. I've been testing this theory and I'm right. This show was a brilliant concept that unfortunately has not evolved at all. Please send rescue, damn it.
Chelsea Lately: If all my DVR recorded was Chelsea Lately I'd still pay for it. Unclear how it took me so long to discover this.
Heroes: Unfortunately I was forced to abandon this show when the 7th time traveling version of Peter Petrelli showed up. If this ship has somehow been righted please let me know.
LOST: Speaking of gratutious time travel...
How I Met Your Mother: Still one of the best shows on TV - and the only show I refuse to eat dinner while watching for fear of accidentally choking on food while laughing. Spread the gospel people.
NCIS: As I mature, my crime scene show interests continue to evolve. Law & Order was great until I could figure out who the perp was after the opening scene. Law & Order: SVU provided a more comprehensive case, but eventually convinced me it was only a matter of time before I became a victim of a violent sexual crime. CSI (Las Vegas) was the next obvious stop but after I watched every single episode and my secret boyfriend William Peterson left the show I needed a new home. Enter NCIS. It's funny. Actually really funny - perfectly reflective of real life office dynamics and humor. Toss that in with interesting plots, three handsome leads (the silver fox, the geek, and the jock) and I'm totally conflicted and mildly obsessed.
It was with great fan fair that the show 24 returned to the airwaves this January after a nearly 2 year hiatus (compliments of the writers strike.) This season, the show is realistically set in Washington, DC - apparently LA is done with terror and CTU has been shut down. Jack's on trial for torturing suspects in custody when the whole thing kicks off jumps the shark...
Tony Almeida: He's dead! He's alive! He's dead! No wait, he really is alive! Seriously people. You can even watch his second death on YouTube - no one thought he was coming back from this one. Except for the awesome writers at 24. Next thing you'll know Edgar will come strolling back in, fit as a fiddle after his poison gas induced "death."
Mole in the Government!: This story line is lamer than Jack's man purse. Every season there is a freaking mole at CTU, the West Wing or some other ostensibly trustworthy branch of our government. Either moles have become a crutch for the writers at 24, or our government has a very serious problem that is being reflected here.
Jack Bauer Slows Down for No One: Now that they're filming the show in a city I'm intimately familiar with I realize the preposterous nature of the driving scenes on this (and I'm sure other) shows. Tony and Jack are cruising up Wisconsin Ave just a few blocks from my house, and then all of a sudden they're going 40 mph with no stop and go. For this to occur Jack and Tony are either in a motorcade or mowing down tourists and flagrantly blasting through traffic signals/stop signs at the rate of one every 60 feet.
Tips for Watching 24: Now that the novelty of the show's format has totally, completely and utterly worn off I maintain that all you need to do is watch the "Previously on 24" recap and the last minute of the show (as they're going into the four screen tick tock.) The rest is all filler, and depending on the week - really uninteresting filler.
If I don't get a DVR box soon, this might be the end of the line for me...
